Mitski’s 2018 art-pop record Be The Cowboy can often feel less like an album and more like a collection of sketches. The project is quite short, clocking in at a slim 32 minutes, and only two of the fourteen tracks are over three minutes long. Each song has a very distinct style, with Mitski Miyawaki flexing her eclectic and versatile musical skills. The short and varied album takes risks that could have left it feeling rushed, unfocused, and incomplete, but Mitski’s lonely and introspective project ends up giving a kaleidoscopic view of an artist trying to find her place in the world.
Immediately, the listener is thrust into the anxious world of Be The Cowboy with the menacing opening note of “Geyser”. As the note rings out on an organ like a drone, more tones are added, creating an ominous and foreboding chord. With strings swelling in the background, Mitski begins singing: “You’re my number one/You’re the one I want/And I’ve turned down/Every hand that has beckoned me to come”. The lyrics lead the listener to believe that Mitski is speaking of a romantic partner, but the subject of the track comes into focus as she later sings, “Though I’m a geyser, feel it bubbling from below/Hear it call, hear it call, hear it call to me, constantly/And hear the harmony only when it’s harming me”; Mitski’s “number one” is not another person, but music. However, she believes that her fixation on music has potentially been harming her mental health and keeping her away from great opportunities.
This harm is made more clear on the next track, “Why Didn’t You Stop Me?”. Mitski, having ended a relationship possibly for the pursuit of music, begins to wish she hadn’t, as she sings: “I know that I ended it, but/Why won’t you chase after me?”. She sees her own determination to move forward as hasty and misjudged in the future; this only leads her to an unhealthy idealization of a revisionist version of the past where she yearns for the lost relationship: “I look for a picture of you/To keep in my pocket/But I can’t seem to find one/Where you/Look how I remember”. Her loneliness begins to turn to desperation, as she starts to seek any sort of attention in “Old Friend”. Mitski asks an old lover to meet her at the “Blue Diner”, where she promises she will “take coffee and talk about nothing” and “take anything [they] want to give [her]”. Her hyper-fixation on her music has caused her to abandon personal relationships and subsequently regret that; that regret soon turns to a desire for any form of attention.
Soon, Mitski begins to realize her unhealthy idealization of past relationships and the toxicity of some of those relationships. In “A Pearl,” she sings: “It’s just that I fell in love with a war/And nobody told me it ended”. She still is not able to fully move on, as she says further that the relationship “left a pearl in [her] head”, implying that she still sees the relationship overall like a pearl or a treasure. The doubts grow on the following track, “Lonesome Love,” as she asks, “Why am I lonely for lonesome love? Why am I lonely?”. Not only is she wondering why she yearns for meaningless relationships, but she also wants to get to the root cause of the problem plaguing her mind.
Her dissatisfaction with life turns towards the existential on “Remember My Name,” as she seeks a more eternal form of companionship. She starts to believe that her music career, which brought her more satisfaction than anything else in “Geyser,” is not bringing her satisfaction anymore either, as she sings: “How many stars will I need to hang around me/To finally call it heaven?”. The following track, “Me and My Husband”, seems to be a metacommentary on her situation, as the song satirically portrays a housewife who, despite her dissatisfaction with her relationship, stays with her husband because she fears loneliness. Mitski sings: “And I’m the idiot with the painted face/In the corner, taking up space/But when he walks in, I am loved”. This character takes on a submissive role, wearing makeup for her husband and doing nothing all day, so that she can feel this superficial love. From the sarcastic tone of the track, Mitski seems to be implying that, while she is lonely, she is glad she is not in a situation like this.
After continuing this narrative of empty domestic life on “Come Into The Water”, Mitski returns to her haven of music on “Nobody”. Despite still feeling empty and lonely, she seeks solace once again in her art. The track is the most striking on the record, creating an incredible juxtaposition of the despair and comfort that define Be The Cowboy. Over a shimmering disco instrumental, Mitski sings, “I don’t want your pity/I just want somebody near me” and “I know no one will save me/I just need someone to kiss/Give me one good honest kiss/And I’ll be alright”. The album reaches its climax on the final chorus of the track, as two key changes create a mounting feeling of anxiety and desperation that reflect her growing dissatisfaction with life over the course of the album. She combines her art and loneliness to create what is possibly the most cathartic song I have ever heard.
The album, as it enters its final act, seems to be heading towards some unknown form of resolution for Mitski. In “A Horse Named Cold Air”, she finally explicitly acknowledges the cycle of loneliness and idealization that has troubled her, singing: “I thought I’d traveled a long way/But I had circled/The same old sin”. However, this does little to stop her from continuing the cycle, as she returns to another toxic relationship, as she sings “Baby, though I’ve closed my eyes/I know who you pretend I am” in “Washing Machine Heart”. This track’s instrumentation is anxious and tense, reflecting Mitski’s declining mental health as she struggles to find solace in any part of her life. The unraveling continues on “Blue Light,” which contains an instrumental that grows increasingly unhinged as the track progresses. The track opens with Mitski singing “Somebody kiss me, I’m going crazy,” encapsulating her mental state for most of the album’s tracks. Mitski’s voice grows ethereal and buried in the mix as she sings non-lyrical vocalizations with no meaning, revealing that she can no longer find any outlet in art like she previously could.
On the final track, “Two Slow Dancers,” Mitski regains her composure to deliver a powerful ballad with an ambiguous ending. As she sings, “We’re just two slow dancers, last one out”, she seems to recognize the need to move on from the past relationships she has remained obsessed with. As the instrumental builds, she seems to desperately cling to the hope that “[they] could stay the same”. Eventually, all other instruments drop apart from a lone electric organ. After the final chords ascend, it becomes clear that the track is not going to resolve itself by landing on the root chord. The track ends on an ambiguous note, making it unclear whether Mitski has decided to move on or cling to false hope. While the listener may not know the end of the story, everything that led up to it is made more powerful by the ambiguity. It’s not the audience’s right to know what happens, because Be The Cowboy is an intensely personal story of idealization and nostalgia that belongs solely to Mitski, its creator and protagonist. The vulnerability Mitski shows on the record is admirably brave, a testament to the power of music which she has found comfort in. While it may feel like a faint breeze upon first listen, Be The Cowboy offers an introspective personal narrative that demonstrates an amount of self-reflection and awareness that is seen far too rarely in music.
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