“Mr. Nelson better reimburse me for my spray tan”
“Wait, so when is the sword swallower coming back?”
"I know it's 9:34 in the morning but I'm thinking about how much I love soup and now I want soup."
“Get on the line!”
"Where is Methacton?”
“I wish I lived in Methacton”
"I feel like a salmon."
“I heard GA hired people to draw on the chalkboard for AM at GA so they would think we are talented”
“If I can change, you can change, everybody can change!”
“It ain’t about how you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!”
“Sleep is for the weak.” “No dude, sleep is for the healthy.”
“Nah sorry I can’t eat that Oreo, my body’s a temple.”
“You just bruised my knee! Now I need to put makeup on my leg [for semi]!”
“I'm too poor to have a wallet.”
"Hitting that gopher on the drive in was super satisfying..."
"I cannot stand the way I smell. I just straight up smell like baby wipes."
“What are you, a walrus???”
“I am Big Chungus.”
[monotone] “You are a sexy young bull ready to take on the world.”
“I don’t understand cruise politics.”
…and more to come. Submit anything you’ve heard below!